A dating coach on social media recently referred to an influential study that followed couples over the years to find what patterns predicted whether they stayed together or eventually divorced. The expert claimed the research shows one particular habit predicts with about 91 percent accuracy whether a couple will succeed or fail. This caught the attention of many readers because it suggests ordinary moments between partners hold powerful clues about long-term happiness.
The dating coach explained that the old study, carried out by seasoned psychologists including John Gottman, tracked couples for more than a decade.
A 12-year study found one habit that predicts with 91% accuracy whether a couple will stay together or break apart:
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Rather than looking at how often couples said “I love you” or how they communicated in big moments, the research focused on how partners responded in tiny everyday interactions. These small moments are the building blocks of a relationship, and the dating coach argued they offer a reliable way to see whether a couple is on a stable path.
According to the dating coach, the crucial behaviour involved how often partners “turned toward” each other’s attempt to connect. A bid for connection might be as simple as sharing a funny moment, telling a small story, or making a gesture like reaching for a hand. These moments are almost invisible yet deeply meaningful because they show interest and care between partners. When one person makes this small effort, the other has a choice in how they respond.
In the study referenced by the dating coach, couples who later stayed together tended to respond positively to these small bids for connection about 86 percent of the time. That means they actively engaged, acknowledged, or encouraged each other in everyday interactions. Couples who eventually separated, on the other hand, responded in this way only about 33 percent of the time. This difference shows a striking link between daily habits of attention and long-term relationship outcomes.
Even though the dating coach presented a simplified picture of the research, the overall message taps into a deeper insight found by Gottman and his colleagues. In addition to responding to small bids for connection, the original research identifies several other behaviours that help indicate the likelihood of a couple staying together. These include how partners show affection, how expressive they are when talking with one another, and how they see themselves as part of a team.
The dating coach’s discussion highlights how emotional dynamics play a big role in relationships. For example, a couple that actively expresses fondness and positivity toward one another is more likely to maintain a strong bond. This could mean making an effort to show appreciation, celebrate small wins, or simply be happy in the presence of the partner. These displays of warmth and connection contribute to an overall emotional climate that helps a relationship thrive.
The idea of “we-ness” is another factor that the original research shows matters in lasting relationships. Couples who view themselves as a united pair rather than two separate individuals are more likely to stick together. This sense of shared identity can strengthen commitment and help partners feel supported even when challenges arise. It reflects a mindset where both people value the relationship as a joint endeavour and invest in each other’s well-being.
Gender roles and emotional expression were also part of the original findings, though they might not matter as much to everyday couples as simple, small habits. The experts studied how couples interacted emotionally and found that some traditional expectations about how men and women express feelings played a role in how stable the relationship was. The dating coach’s focus was mainly on the small bids for connection, but the broader research suggests many layers contribute to long-term success.
Another aspect the research examined was how couples handled conflict. Couples who tended to express volatility or intense feelings during disagreements often faced greater risks of breaking up. How a partner responds under stress, whether constructively or destructively, helps shape the emotional landscape of the relationship and influences how stable it becomes over time.
The original study also looked at negativity and disappointment in marriage. Couples who frequently expressed negative emotions toward one another or felt disillusioned reported more dissatisfaction and a higher chance of separation. This does not mean relationships never face challenges, but it highlights how persistent negativity can erode connection and limit resilience when problems arise.
Reading what the dating coach shared can help people understand that lasting love is rarely about perfection. It is often the small, consistent moments that make the difference. Partners who listen, respond with care, and make an effort to engage in everyday life together build a foundation of trust and mutual appreciation. This creates a buffer against the inevitable ups and downs of long-term commitment.
Some experts who study close relationships say that the ratio of positive to negative interactions matters a great deal. Couples who maintain more positive moments, even in the face of conflict, tend to be happier and more stable. This aligns with the dating coach’s point that daily behaviour and small gestures carry meaning far beyond their size, because they shape the emotional experience of both partners over time.
Couples who make time to notice and respond to these small expressions of connection help each other feel valued. This might sound simple, but it requires attention, patience, and empathy every day. Those qualities become part of a positive cycle that strengthens the relationship, making it easier to navigate challenges together.
The message from the dating coach is hopeful for many people. It suggests that you do not need perfect communication skills or grand romantic gestures to build a lasting connection. Instead, paying attention to the small moments between you and your partner and responding to them positively can go a long way in creating stability and mutual fulfilment.
Understanding how everyday interactions affect long-term relationships can change how people approach love and partnership. It emphasises that acts of genuine attention and engagement, no matter how small, help establish feelings of security and appreciation. These are the ingredients that, according to research, go a long way in helping couples stay together over time.
Overall, while a dating coach may highlight one noticeable habit, the deeper research paints a picture of many factors that weave together to support lasting relationships. Daily routines, emotional responses, and small gestures all matter. Keeping these in mind can help individuals and couples nurture stronger, more resilient connections.
In the end, long-term love often comes down to simple choices made over the years. Couples who actively choose to engage with one another, respond positively in small moments, and cultivate warmth and support in everyday life are more likely to build relationships that endure. This insight from a dating coach points to the value of consistent, caring behaviour in sustaining love.
