According to a relationship expert speaking to Psychology Today, certain everyday phrases can actually be toxic. These are not dramatic insults or outright abuse, but small statements that can undermine your partner and create long-term issues if repeated over time. Research and expert commentary show that language that invalidates feelings or dismisses concerns can erode the foundation of closeness you are trying to build.
One of the phrases the relationship expert warns against is “you’re too sensitive.”
On the surface, this may seem like a defense of your own feelings, but in reality, it dismisses your partner’s emotional experience. When someone expresses hurt or frustration, telling them they are too sensitive minimizes their truth. This type of language can lead your partner to feel unheard or judged rather than supported. Over time, this dynamic can make them less likely to open up and may deepen the emotional distance between you.
Another example the relationship expert highlights is “you’re overreacting.” This phrase can be especially damaging because it not only discounts your partner’s feelings but also implies that they are unstable or unreasonable. Calling someone’s reaction an overreaction can be a form of gaslighting, where you make them doubt what they feel is real. Gaslighting terminology has become common in conversations about relationships, but its use in everyday language can contribute to controlling and dismissive interactions.
The relationship expert also points out that saying “it’s no big deal” can harm your partnership. Even if a problem seems minor to you, it may be significant to your partner. Saying this phrase can come off as a refusal to engage with their feelings and dismiss their perspective. When issues are ignored or minimized, partners may start to think their emotions aren’t worthy of attention, which can weaken trust and mutual understanding in the long run.
It’s important to understand why language like this matters. Words are not just sounds; they carry meaning that can influence how someone feels about themselves and the relationship. A relationship expert explains that calm and constructive conversations are a hallmark of healthy partnerships. When people use dismissive language, it can signal a breakdown in communication. Over time, this may create patterns of emotional avoidance or resentment that are hard to repair.
Many psychologists agree that invalidating someone’s feelings through language can lead to relationship issues. For example, research on defensive phrases suggests that statements like “you’re overreacting” or “you’re too sensitive” can serve as a defense mechanism that shuts down deeper communication rather than fostering understanding. Being defensive in a relationship often points to larger communication problems that need careful attention and effort to resolve.
When a partner feels dismissed, this can affect their willingness to express themselves openly. A pattern of phrases that invalidate feelings may cause a partner to withdraw or stop sharing concerns. Over time, this can create a rift in your connection, as issues are left unresolved and emotional intimacy weakens. Recognizing these red flags in everyday communication is crucial to keeping your relationship healthy.
It is also worth reflecting on the subtle nature of these toxic phrases. They don’t always seem hurtful at the moment, but repeated use can change how your partner perceives your care and empathy. If you find yourself using these statements often, it might be a signal that you need to slow down and listen more deeply to your partner’s perspective. Healthy communication involves validating another person’s experience, even if you don’t fully understand it.
Instead of saying “you’re too sensitive,” you can try acknowledging your partner’s feelings like this: “I hear that this really upset you, let’s talk about it.” Simple changes like this show that you respect their emotional experience and are willing to engage with it. Similarly, replacing “it’s no big deal” with “tell me what you’re feeling” invites deeper conversation rather than shutting it down. These alternative approaches can strengthen connections and build trust over time.
Experts also emphasize that awareness of these phrases is only the first step. It’s equally important to work on active listening and responsive communication. This means pausing to reflect before speaking, resisting the urge to dismiss feelings, and supporting your partner even when emotions are intense or difficult to understand. Practicing these skills can take time, but it pays off in creating a more supportive and respectful relationship.
Another problematic area in relationships involves “keeping score” of past grievances. The relationship expert notes that tallying who apologized last or who made more effort can breed resentment. When you focus on winning arguments or keeping track of faults, you shift the dynamic from teamwork to competition. Instead of this, couples can focus on resolving the present concern collaboratively and without reliving old hurts.
Unhealthy communication patterns, such as frequent defensiveness or dismissive language, may also reflect deeper underlying issues in the relationship. For instance, defensive language can be a sign that someone is more focused on protecting their ego rather than understanding their partner’s needs. This often leads to greater conflict and emotional distance if left unaddressed.
Being mindful of how you communicate isn’t just about avoiding a few phrases. It’s about fostering a culture of respect and empathy in your relationship. Even when disagreements arise, approaching them with curiosity rather than judgment can make a significant difference. Partners who feel heard and validated are more likely to work together to find solutions and maintain a lasting connection.
In addition, acknowledging your own role in communication helps build mutual accountability. Instead of focusing on blaming language, you can choose to express your needs in a way that invites collaboration. Statements like “I feel hurt when…” or “I need support with…” can open the door to more meaningful discussions. This type of language promotes connection instead of creating distance.
Ultimately, the purpose of paying attention to toxic phrases is to improve intimacy and trust in your relationship. Whether you are in a new partnership or have been together for years, the language you use plays a central role in how connected and understood you both feel. A relationship expert emphasizes that communication patterns have long-term effects and should be nurtured with care.
As you reflect on your interactions, consider how you respond during emotional moments. Avoiding dismissive language during conflict can prevent harm and lead to more constructive outcomes. Over time, choosing supportive language strengthens emotional safety and helps build a relationship where both partners feel valued and heard.
If you notice certain phrases slipping into your conversations regularly, it might help to pause and reassess your communication habits. Change rarely happens overnight, but making small shifts in your language can gradually transform how you relate to each other. This kind of effort shows your partner that you value their feelings and want to grow together.
Healthy relationships are not free of conflict, but they are defined by how conflict is handled. When you avoid language that invalidates or dismisses feelings, you create a foundation where honesty and respect can thrive. Taking the time to choose your words thoughtfully can nurture deeper trust, connection, and mutual understanding in your relationship.
In conclusion, avoiding toxic phrases and replacing them with supportive language is an important part of strong communication. When you take the time to listen, validate feelings, and express concerns constructively, you build a more resilient partnership. Words have power, and by choosing them wisely, you show your partner that you care deeply about their experience and your shared future.
