Looking up from the sofa at my boyfriend, I had to suppress a laugh as he cheekily wiggled his hips at me.
‘So, what do you reckon?’ Alex asked, flashing a mischievous grin and with a familiar motion in his jeans.
While I usually enjoy giving my boyfriend oral sex, something about this particular moment gave me pause.
He had just come back from working on a building site all day. And sure, the thought of him all sweaty and dirty can be a major turn-on — but I also knew he’d been in the same clothes the entire time.
‘I’d love to… after you’ve had a shower,’ I replied with a smile.
I’ve never worried about offending Alex by suggesting he freshen up — partly because he’s a stickler for hygiene and usually showers twice a day, but mostly because we have a strong, open line of communication between us.
The smell of booze was still oozing from his pores (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)
But things weren’t always like that.
A few years ago, I was casually seeing someone else. Drew* was charming and fun to be around, though we hadn’t quite figured each other out sexually.
One night, he invited me back to his place. He was clearly hungover — the scent of alcohol still clinging to him despite his efforts. He had showered and put on a nice aftershave, but unfortunately, it didn’t mask everything.
‘As the clothes came off and I bent down to give him head, I was struck by a foul smell.’
Not knowing how to address it without making him uncomfortable, I chose to power through — a decision I’d soon regret.
Holding my breath, I kept going, until my body forced me to take in a sudden gulp of air.
‘And I promptly threw up in my mouth.’
Without really thinking about it, I swallowed the vomit (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)
Mortified and unsure what to do, I glanced up at Drew.
Thankfully, his eyes were closed. ‘Without really thinking about it, I swallowed the vomit (which was thankfully mostly liquid as I hadn’t eaten much that day)’ before excusing myself to get a glass of water.
I’ll never know if he realized what happened — he gave no indication. But it still lingers in my mind, how I kept quiet and carried on instead of just being honest.
That’s why I appreciate being in a relationship now where open and honest communication is the norm.
After I gently suggested the shower, Alex left the room. Anyone watching might have thought he was sulking — but I knew better.
Moments later, he poked his head back in with the same cheeky grin and said: ‘Sex instead?’
An excellent compromise.
Oral sex might’ve been off the menu that evening, but we still ended up having a great time.
I purposefully slept with my face away from him (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)
Of course, if you’re with a one-night stand or someone you’ve only just started dating, it’s understandable that you might not feel comfortable bringing this kind of thing up.
I remember once staying over at a guy’s house — we’d only had three dates — and after sex, he reeked of body odor.
Since we were still getting to know each other, I didn’t feel like I could say, ‘Hey, how about a shower?’ without it being super awkward. I also lived far away, so leaving wasn’t really an option.
So when it came time to sleep, I just turned my face the other way.
It wasn’t ideal — but the fling ended soon after, for unrelated reasons, so I never had to bring it up.
Here’s my go-to suggestion for moments like that: suggest showering together. Lathering each other up can double as foreplay — or lead into round two.
Do you ask your partner to shower before sex? Have your say in the comments below.
Because here’s the truth: we’re human. And humans smell — all of us. There’s nothing shameful about it.
Plenty of my friends have shared how they’ve avoided giving oral sex due to hygiene issues. Some even worry about their own scent but are too embarrassed to bring it up.
But when it comes to dealing with personal hygiene during sex, there’s really only one solution — address it directly.
Still, keep it light and kind if you can. Ask yourself: if the roles were reversed, how would you want your partner to tell you?
I’ve always tried to make sure my sexual partners feel attractive and wanted — because how we treat each other in intimate moments can leave lasting impressions.
But making your partner feel good shouldn’t come at the cost of your own comfort.
And you definitely shouldn’t feel pressured to push through oral sex if you catch a bad whiff.
When in doubt? Save water. Shower together. Alex and I certainly make great use of ours.
*Names have been changed.
