Sex therapist: 6 signs you’re bad in bed

Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationship psychotherapist and founder of The Therapy Yard, a UK-based counseling service, is revealing six signs indicating poor performance in bed, ranging from a lack of confidence to following a mundane routine.

Let’s delve into the intricacies of sexual dynamics and address common obstacles that may hinder your performance in bed. Miranda Christophers, a seasoned sex and relationship psychotherapist and the visionary behind The Therapy Yard counseling service based in the UK, sheds light on six telltale signs indicating a lackluster sexual experience, ranging from a deficit in confidence to falling into monotonous routines.


You lack confidence

According to Christophers, creating a safe and non-judgmental environment is paramount for fostering a fulfilling sexual encounter. She emphasizes that individuals cannot fully engage or relax if they feel scrutinized or emotionally vulnerable, a sentiment shared in her recent interview with the Daily Mail.

One of the primary barriers Christophers highlights is a lack of confidence, which can stifle spontaneity and hinder responsiveness in bed. She explains that individuals who struggle with body confidence may resort to dim lighting or concealing themselves under covers during sexual encounters. To counteract this, Christophers recommends cultivating a positive self-image and suggests techniques like incorporating mood-setting elements such as music or candles. Additionally, resources like Men’s Journal offer strategies for bolstering self-esteem, including mental preparation and visualization exercises aimed at enhancing sexual confidence.


You’re easily distracted

Another obstacle identified by Christophers is being easily distracted during intimate moments. She emphasizes that great sex hinges on being fully present and immersed in the experience, akin to the flow of a dance. Drawing from practices in mindfulness, Christophers suggests incorporating daily mindfulness exercises to sharpen focus and promote presence, a habit that can translate into more fulfilling sexual encounters.


You’re embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner

Furthermore, Christophers underscores the importance of open communication about sexual desires and preferences with one’s partner. She advises regular check-ins to ensure alignment and acknowledges that sexual preferences can evolve over time, necessitating ongoing dialogue and exploration within the relationship.


You don’t change your routine

Routine can also contribute to sexual dissatisfaction, as highlighted by a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which found higher levels of sexual boredom among men in long-term relationships. To break free from monotony, resources like Well+Good offer tips such as scheduling sex and incorporating fantasies into the sexual repertoire.


Your partner is just not that into it

“Consent means both partners want sex equally. But there are many reasons why desire levels vary,” Christophers reasons. “If you prefer morning sex, and your partner prefers it at night, you need to talk about this, and find something that works for both.”


You feel shame if you don’t ‘perform’

Lastly, Christophers addresses the pervasive issue of sexual performance anxiety, which affects a significant portion of the population and can manifest in various forms, from premature ejaculation to inhibited sexual desire. She recommends shifting the focus away from performance and towards one’s own physical sensations, fostering a mindset that prioritizes personal pleasure over external expectations.

By acknowledging and addressing these common hurdles, individuals can work towards cultivating a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience, fostering greater intimacy and connection within their relationships.

Written by Telha

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